Rants

I procrastinated this week and I don't have enough time to write a 500 worded post with some meaning so here's a mix of posts from my Tumblr.

I’m tired of all this. I come home everyday tired and as soon as I walk through the door I get yelled at. Lectured on how I don’t do enough to help out, or on my bad habits. I’m sorry mom and dad, I guess I’ll never be the son that you’ve always wanted and it hurts me just knowing that. In my dreams I sometimes wish I was different. How my life would change if I had actually listened to my parents more often, so then I could bring them more joy rather than disappointment. I’ll never be the kid with always straight A’s, or the one popular for their athletic abilities. I guess I’m just an average kid just trying to get by the best I can, but sometimes that’s just not seen as good enough. More often than not, people recognize you for your accomplishments, but not your effort.

It’s not only a family thing either. When it comes to friends, I hate to be the one to disappoint them. Often times I would come home after a long day of school, log onto AIM and some friends would IM me. They would go on to tell me about their daily problems asking for advice and whatnot. To be honest, after a long day of school and a butt load of homework to work on I’m not in the best mood to give advice, but I will still try my best. Then there are those bad days. Those days where I just don’t feel like answering, where I’m just really in a bad mood. Those are the days that get me the most. It sucks not being there for your friends all the time. It sucks to no longer be the one that someone can rely on no matter what. Everyone has their bad days, but it seems like no one recognizes mine. I feel invisible sometimes

When you’re surrounded by people who are just disappointed by you, or sad because of you, it doesn’t really put you in a good mood. It really hurts when you did something wrong, but the other person won’t mention anything. Pretending everything is okay, but in your head you know something is up. The lingering of a guilty conscious is sometimes unbearable. It hurts that I can’t live up to anyone’s expectations, or even my own. I really put in my effort and try my best, but I guess people just expect more of me and to be honest, I should expect more from myself. I’m sorry that I’m not the person you always expected.

I’ve come to realize something. All those positive comments you get from someone, they don’t mean anything unless the moment is right. Once something goes wrong it’s like all those compliments never existed. Yeah I get it, you’re not always going to think a certain somebody is always the best person in the world, but I mean, why even say it then? Because when it really comes down to what matters, out of the things that do matter, one of them is not going to be because they’re the best person in the world.

No matter how many compliments a person receives, it’s not going to come true unless the person believes it for themselves.  No matter how many times you call a girl beautiful, it’s not going to make her think that she is. Once you start to believe in what others call you, only then can you be labeled as that. This is pretty sad because it seems to work the opposite when you’re called negative names. If you’re being called stupid over and over again, eventually you will start to believe that you are stupid. Funny how that works. Call a girl beautiful who doesn’t think of herself as beautiful, as many times as you want and she’ll never believe you. Call a smart girl stupid enough times and she will start believing you.

Patient Zero Part 1 (Chapter 1-40)

Dear Damien,
I must say, you have a good taste in books. When I first picked up this novel I was doubtful. My first impression was, 'Great, another typical zombie apocalypse book.' This book however proved me wrong. The story starts off at a good pace and after the first few pages you can tel that the author has done his fair share of research. After the first few minutes of reading, I've read about different types of guns, government organizations as well as tactics used by federal agents. This was the thing that really caught my attention, the authors detailed description of everything is laid out perfectly almost making it feel like I have what it takes to become a secret agent. There's no doubt about it that this is a guy's book. Zombies, guns, fighting, and blood. What more could you ask for?

The main protagonist in the story is Joe Ledger, a Baltimore detective with a super ego. He used to be from the military and was no doubt, the top of the class. However, Ledger soon finds himself full of mixed emotions when he is recruited by a super top secret organization called DMS (Department of Military Sciences) to help stop a group of terrorists from releasing a deadly bioweapon that can turn ordinary humans in zombies.

The thing that gets me hooked onto the book is the action factor. It reminds me of a mix between James Bond and Bad Boys. What kid growing up didn't want to become a secret agent at one point? Through Jonathan Maberry's writing I feel like I'm with the character. The close attention to detail on everything is amazing and a little bonus factor is the science in all this. Much of the technical information in the novel is based upon actual science, with the few exceptions. So far I have gotten hooked onto the book already and it's growing more interesting with each chapter I complete. I can't wait to see how this plot unfolds and turns out.

Basketball

Basketball is something that I've done ever since I was little. It's made up a big part of my life growing up, and it's still a good chunk of my life right now. I started playing basketball around the age of 6. I remember going out on my driveway after dinner, just practicing on my dribbling and trying out new things. No matter what I was doing, my goal was just to get better. I don't know why I loved the sport so much at the time, but back then I didn't really care.

I guess my reasoning for it now is partially because of my father. My dad loves basketball with a passion. He used to play in his free time back in China and he even managed to play for his high school team. While growing up my dad would become super excited whenever there was a basketball game on the TV. I remember watching the games with him, while he would comment on the game every now and then about a play. I guess I felt attached to the sport at first sight since this could be the one thing that my dad and I really have in common. So from that point on, I set a goal to keep getting better and better. My new found love for the sport also let me spend some quality time with my dad when I was a child. My parents back then were probably working 10+ hour jobs daily. I wouldn't see them when I woke up to go to school and I barely saw them when they came home late at night. So on the rare days that my dad gets to leave work early I would always ask him to play basketball with me. I remember that I would constantly try to show off to him whenever we would play a game, showing him the new tricks that I taught myself, or how much better my shooting improved. There was one thing that really bugged me about playing against my dad, it was the fact that he would win every single game. No matter how hard I tried, how lucky I got, he would always win. So probably from the age of 8 and beyond I would make new goal to beat my dad at basketball. This was especially tempting because my mom would always taunt me saying things like, "How can a young child like you possibly beat your dad in basketball?". It took me quite some time, but I finally did it a couple years later. I can't really give myself all the credit though because during those times, my dad's health got worse and he was more tired after work. I really miss those moments now. By now my dad is too fragile or tired to play basketball with me. It's not like I would have time either due to schoolwork or other activities. Nevertheless, I miss the father-son time that we used to share. It was the only way I really felt connected to him.

I still play basketball to this day, although maybe not as much as I would like and I'm probably not as motivated by it. For now I just do it as a hobby. I never joined any basketball league or team because I felt like that restricted the game in too many ways. The petty fouls and the occasional travels aren't a big deal when you just play with friends or in a pick-up game. I hope that basketball will remain in my life for the years to come. It's an outlet and a hobby that I appreciate with all my heart.