Rants

I procrastinated this week and I don't have enough time to write a 500 worded post with some meaning so here's a mix of posts from my Tumblr.

I’m tired of all this. I come home everyday tired and as soon as I walk through the door I get yelled at. Lectured on how I don’t do enough to help out, or on my bad habits. I’m sorry mom and dad, I guess I’ll never be the son that you’ve always wanted and it hurts me just knowing that. In my dreams I sometimes wish I was different. How my life would change if I had actually listened to my parents more often, so then I could bring them more joy rather than disappointment. I’ll never be the kid with always straight A’s, or the one popular for their athletic abilities. I guess I’m just an average kid just trying to get by the best I can, but sometimes that’s just not seen as good enough. More often than not, people recognize you for your accomplishments, but not your effort.

It’s not only a family thing either. When it comes to friends, I hate to be the one to disappoint them. Often times I would come home after a long day of school, log onto AIM and some friends would IM me. They would go on to tell me about their daily problems asking for advice and whatnot. To be honest, after a long day of school and a butt load of homework to work on I’m not in the best mood to give advice, but I will still try my best. Then there are those bad days. Those days where I just don’t feel like answering, where I’m just really in a bad mood. Those are the days that get me the most. It sucks not being there for your friends all the time. It sucks to no longer be the one that someone can rely on no matter what. Everyone has their bad days, but it seems like no one recognizes mine. I feel invisible sometimes

When you’re surrounded by people who are just disappointed by you, or sad because of you, it doesn’t really put you in a good mood. It really hurts when you did something wrong, but the other person won’t mention anything. Pretending everything is okay, but in your head you know something is up. The lingering of a guilty conscious is sometimes unbearable. It hurts that I can’t live up to anyone’s expectations, or even my own. I really put in my effort and try my best, but I guess people just expect more of me and to be honest, I should expect more from myself. I’m sorry that I’m not the person you always expected.

I’ve come to realize something. All those positive comments you get from someone, they don’t mean anything unless the moment is right. Once something goes wrong it’s like all those compliments never existed. Yeah I get it, you’re not always going to think a certain somebody is always the best person in the world, but I mean, why even say it then? Because when it really comes down to what matters, out of the things that do matter, one of them is not going to be because they’re the best person in the world.

No matter how many compliments a person receives, it’s not going to come true unless the person believes it for themselves.  No matter how many times you call a girl beautiful, it’s not going to make her think that she is. Once you start to believe in what others call you, only then can you be labeled as that. This is pretty sad because it seems to work the opposite when you’re called negative names. If you’re being called stupid over and over again, eventually you will start to believe that you are stupid. Funny how that works. Call a girl beautiful who doesn’t think of herself as beautiful, as many times as you want and she’ll never believe you. Call a smart girl stupid enough times and she will start believing you.